I was the best parent before I had a child...

Before I had Grayson, I had very specific beliefs and ideas about the kind of parent I would be. Now, I laugh! And roll my eyes. And when I look around and see people who don't have kids disapproving of the way someone parents, I laugh! And then roll my eyes.


I think about this a lot only because I'm doing most of the things I SWORE I would never do!  So here are some of my biggest broken rules...


No pacifiers! Just one more bad habit that we will need to break! Whatever. I'm more dependent on this thing than he is! Pacifier = problem-solver. Every time.

The TV will NOT be a babysitter. Yes it will and you will love it.

Why does your kid have a snotty nose and/or filthy mouth in public? WIPE YOUR CHILD! How difficult can it be? Well, if you consider exorcist-style head spinning and needing 2 healthy adults to hold  down one small child to do this (84 times a day) easy, then it's not difficult at all! 

This nose was so crusty it took weeks to get it off.
And it was my mom who finally had to do it.

Why is their high chair so FILTHY? How can they possibly live that way? Why don't they try CLEANING it once in a while?! Ha! Now I know they DO clean it. FIVE TIMES A DAY! And it's STILL filthy. How is there dried beenie weenie on the BACK of the chair?? 

[No photos. I don't take pictures of my nasty high chair]

Why does that kid only have a diaper on?! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON YOUR NAKED BABY. Whatever. I'm too tired to explain why this is stupid, let alone put clothes on my child (for the third time today).

My kids are NOT going to be allowed to throw tantrums. Riiiiiiight, like all those Moms who have the misfortune of being humiliated in public are ALLOWING that behavior. Well, at least most of them aren't. :)

He wasn't allowed in the office.

Someday, he'll be doing this because he HAS to go into the office.

Here are some others I came across on The Bump that I can sympathize with...

"I swore I wouldn't..."

“...smell her butt in the middle of a crowded grocery store and exclaim, ‘Did you poop? I think you pooped!’” --lizzyjames

“...bribe my kid with food, but sometimes Puffs go a long way to making a happy home.” --ironmommy

“...become a short-order cook. Our son was going to eat what we eat, or he wouldn't eat at all.” --Agrippa

“...be a nervous/hovering parent. Yeah, right.” --ITeachK

“...prop a bottle. And I still give the side eye to parents with just one infant who do this. But with twins, sometimes you don't have a choice.” --leslie13510

Lastly, my friend Shelby informed me that this is actually a book. I intend to read it. Once I finish cleaning the high chair, dressing my child, wiping his nose and breaking him of his pacifier, tantrums and TV-watching. ;-)