Blessings

I talk a lot on this blog about blessings and I'm sure it gets old to the average "glass half empty" person (for the record, I'm one of them...or used to be). I know it's annoying. But I view things so much differently than I once did. I used to be able to complain about or curse something and leave it at that. Now I seem to end my bad thoughts on a positive note, which is so not me. I guess I'm growing. :) It's kind of like sorority membership selection: Pro, Con, Con, Pro...anyone with me?! ;-) Anyway, this has helped me when there have been unforeseeable dark days - the days and experiences that you just can't prepare for. It's those days when I seem to get slapped in the face (not that God slaps but you get the perceived force to which I'm referring :)) and reminded of everything I HAVE. Versus what I don't. A tricky place for us all, no doubt.


You see the story goes that in a matter of recent weeks I was pregnant but then I wasn't anymore. And we grieved and then we were good again. And then we found out it was still in there! But it wasn't a viable pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy actually. 7 blood tests, 2 sonograms, 1 shot in the bottom and some intense side effects later and my physical self isn't quite caught up with my stronger mental self. But I'm doing okay. Beau and I are both doing okay. Things are more normal around here than they've been in a while. I like to think that my "restart" button has been pushed. Forcing me (allowing me?) to take a step back and get back to experiencing the joys of the three of us. And especially the TWO of us. Instead of some preoccupied psycho who was more interested in a relationship with her ovulation calendar. I had totally become "that" wife and mom. I never thought I'd feel this way but a huge weight has been lifted.  I think I'm over the "planning" of it all with the siblings that would be 22 months apart putting 1 grade perfectly between them, blah, blah, blah. It sounds cheesy but I really have given it to God. After all it was with Him all along, wasn't it? :) I was foolish to think any different.


I actually wasn't going to put any of that on my blog. Ever. But it just came out and there it is. It looks very exposed and personal. But it's one of those experiences that shapes you...so here we are at the positive part. Anytime I would let myself get into the Why's?, before I could finish the question, I was slapped in the face with HELLO, you have Grayson! And Beau! And an incredibly supportive family! And so many friends that love you! And two dogs that are incredible cuddlers! Countless blessings, for sure. 


I'll end with the one that is filling my heart in the greatest way today....


Grayson and his health. In light of what we've been through, I think a lot about how pregnancy (creating life, really) is truly exceptional. If you've read up on how a baby is formed, it's not lost on you how every step of their billions of cells and complicated insides have to come together perfectly in utero to form a healthy baby. Grayson has been perfect and healthy and a gift that I cherish every day and I pray for many more perfect and healthy days with him. He is definitely my biggest blessing in the wake of some dark days. 





I could really spend a billion more words talking about how perfect Beau has been through all this. But just trust in me that I tell him all the time and that he knows how much he is needed, loved and respected.    :)